there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
