the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
