chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
