there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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