whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
