So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
