Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
