I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
