Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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