it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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