oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
