Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
