I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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