Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
