The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
