Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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