I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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