I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
