I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
