remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
