conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
