Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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