I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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