what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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