he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
