I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You took a bar mat shot.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
