Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
