just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
