I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
