they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
