Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
