Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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