i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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