Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
