There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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