And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
