I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
