I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
