Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
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She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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