I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
