best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
