tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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