idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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