a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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