It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
