its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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