Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
