is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need moral support for this bender
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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