I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
