My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
