i don't like sucking hair
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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