Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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