So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
