Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
