Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
