i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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