Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
