the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
